I hear the sirens calling
As the rain is gently falling


It’s British Cheese Week. I’m very much in favour of this, not least because I used to have a fanzine called Happy Cheese. I’ll probably treat you to a few scans from Happy Cheese at some point soon. I don’t know what usually happens during Cheese Week, but I should imagine it’s a whole heap of fun. The event is backed by the British Cheese Board, you see. Yes, that is a real organisation.

As part of this year’s festivities, Birmingham artist Faye Halliday has been commissioned to create a number of “cheese pictures” using Primula, one of the world’s oldest and most famous cheese spreads. Faye’s Primula pieces include Barack Obama, Marilyn Monroe, Justin Bieber and, best of all, those ever-loveable fuckwits Jedward, who are pictured here in their full stinky glory.

Now if you’ll please pass me the brown sauce…